


Feeling Needed

by NothingSoDivine



Series: Relearning Each Other [2]
Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Kiss, I FORGOT AGAIN, I can't keep forgetting the wuzzles, I think? I haven't worked the timeline out in full, M/M, Post-Mission, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Sexuality Crisis, Smoking, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Tension, WUZZLES!, is there a tag that's just "unresolved tension" because that would fit really well here, it's very minor but it's there, yes there is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingSoDivine/pseuds/NothingSoDivine
Summary: "Are you trying to get me to trust you again?"Stein released a cloud of smoke. It lingered around his head. "If I was, would it be working?"
Relationships: Spirit Albarn | Death Scythe/Franken Stein
Series: Relearning Each Other [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021801
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	Feeling Needed

**Author's Note:**

> I hate cigarettes but smoking feels like an integral part of spirit and stein's relationship >.< don't be fooled by my excellent writing, smoking is gross and I don't like it

Sitting on the sidelines watching as Stein completed their mission alone felt like hell.

When Spirit stepped outside, he was shaking. Stein stood at the top of the concrete steps, leaning back against the railing and lighting a cigarette. It was raining, Spirit noticed. The balcony overhead provided the perfect shelter from the storm, but the air was still cold and damp. Stein finished lighting his smoke, shook out the match and took a drag.

Spirit was trying to smoke less, for Maka's sake — she hated the habit, so he'd cut back almost completely, but right now he needed something, _anything_ to focus on besides his own uselessness. He patted all his pockets, knowing he wouldn't find what he was looking for but determined to look all the same.

Empty. He tried to steady his voice before he spoke.

"Got a spare?" he asked, and Stein shook his head.

"Sorry," he said. "Last one."

"Ah," said Spirit. Fuck.

He stepped up to the railing next to Stein, following his gaze. The streetlamps' orange glow was dimmed by the pouring rain and reflected in shaky circles off the puddles on the pavement. The railing was metal, cold under his hands. He couldn't stop shaking.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath, and tightened his grip on the railing to try and still his hands. He could see Stein watching him out of the corner of his eye, and tried his hardest not to look at him.

"C'mere," Stein said after a long moment, then took a long pull from the cigarette.

"What?" Spirit asked, turning to face him, but Stein didn't reply, just put one fingertip under Spirit's chin to direct him before pressing their lips together.

Spirit gasped against Stein's mouth, and smoke swirled across his tongue. Stein's lips were cool against his, and set off fireworks all the way down Spirit's spine; he closed his eyes and savoured the contact as Stein poured a lungful of warm smoke into him.

When his lungs were empty, Stein pulled away, and Spirit sealed his lips shut around the smoke. It tasted faintly of something else, some flavour he couldn't describe but suspected was the taste of Stein's mouth. His eyes were still shut; he held the smoke in his lungs as long as he could before exhaling it slowly through his nose. He already felt steadier, though whether that was from the smoke or the kiss, he couldn't tell.

The— _holy shit._ Spirit opened his eyes and grabbed for the railing, leaning on it heavily as the realization washed over him. Stein just kissed him. No — he couldn't have meant it like that, could he? He had to know by now that Spirit wasn't into guys, and as far as Spirit knew, Stein wasn't into _anything_. Except possibly him. Holy shit. Stein was watching him, and there was a knowing gleam in his eyes. Spirit couldn't look at him.

"I'm not—" he started, then floundered.

"I know," said Stein, turning back to the railing.

Spirit didn't have a reply for that.

They stood in silence for a while. Stein took another drag off his cigarette.

Spirit cleared his throat, as subtly as he could. "Can I, uh," he said. "Get some more of that?"

Stein just smiled wryly, smoke streaming from his mouth, and offered him the cigarette.

Spirit took it with trembling fingers, raised it to his lips. He took a long, deliberate pull, then handed it back to Stein. Their fingers brushed slightly on the handoff; the touch made the hair stand up on Spirit's arms. His lips were tingling.

"What are you doing?" he asked eventually.

Stein raised the cigarette. "Do I have to be doing something?"

"Is this about the trust thing?" Spirit prodded. "Are you trying to get me to trust you again?"

Stein released a cloud of smoke. It lingered around his head. "If I was, would it be working?"

Spirit didn't answer. He leaned against the railing, watching the downpour. The chill was trying to seep into his bones, but Stein and the nicotine were warding it off. He remembered how easily Stein had completed the mission — _their_ mission — without him, and felt sick to his stomach. They were supposed to be partners. The whole reason they'd been given this mission was to learn to work together again, and Stein hadn't even touched him. Spirit hung his head.

"Why didn't you use me?" he asked. It came out as a whisper.

Stein leaned down on his elbows. "I can't wield you unless you trust me," he replied, perching the cigarette between his lips and lowering his hand.

If he were anyone else, that would've been true. "You're the best meister to ever graduate from the Academy, Stein," Spirit reminded him coldly. "You could wield me whether I trust you or not."

Stein spared him the slightest glance. "I don't want to," he said.

The sick feeling in Spirit's stomach changed, from a bowling ball to butterflies. "Oh."

They lapsed back into silence again. The rain showed no sign of stopping; it was pouring down in buckets. Spirit's lips still tingled. He wanted Stein to kiss him again. He took a breath to try and steady himself. He wanted _so badly_ for Stein to kiss him again.

"Stein," he said abruptly, turning, and Stein straightened up. The cigarette was still between his lips, burned down over halfway to the filter. Spirit's eyes darted from it to Stein's lips, then up to his eyes. They were inscrutable behind his glasses. Spirit had no idea how to ask. He didn't dare to try, couldn't bear the thought of failing.

Stein raised his hand, plucked the cigarette from his mouth, and offered it to Spirit.

Spirit dragged his eyes back down to the cigarette. Stein was holding it at the level of Spirit's mouth, offering it up to him. His fingers were barely six inches from Spirit's lips. They were standing maybe a foot apart; Spirit's entire body was hyper-aware of that distance.

Heart racing, Spirit leaned forward and took a drag from the cigarette between Stein's fingers.

Stein's breath hitched. Spirit could see his pupils dilate behind his glasses as he pressed his lips to Stein's fingers. The point of contact felt like closing a circuit; energy buzzed through both of them. Stein's fingertips were cool and calloused against Spirit's lips, a familiar sensation in an unfamiliar place. Smoke poured into his mouth, sat hot on his tongue. He breathed it in and pulled away. Stein's eyes were on his lips. Spirit held the smoke, felt the nicotine buoy his head up.

Stein was silent, watching him. Spirit blew out the smoke from the corner of his mouth, holding Stein's gaze. When his lungs were clear, he held up his hand between their chests, as though they were entering a battle rather than leaving one. Strong steel and sharp blades were only a touch away; Spirit held his breath, begging silently. _Take me up. Take me back._

Stein gave a tiny shake of his head, and that hurt like he'd reached into Spirit's rib cage and crushed his heart. With just the tips of his fingers, he pushed Spirit's hand away, back towards his chest. His fingertips felt like sparks against the back of Spirit's hand. Spirit felt disappointment ache behind his sternum.

"Not yet," Stein murmured, voice low and intimate. Spirit didn't reply.

Stein turned away and took another drag of his cigarette. The rain was abating just a bit, but not letting up.

"Let's go," Stein said, and Spirit followed him silently out into the rainy night.

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many thoughts about Spirit Albarn and I'm gonna write them alllllll into fic
> 
> wanna hear about them before I post the next fic? [come ask me!](https://nothingsodivine.carrd.co)


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